Goodbye Bitch: "We're Here to Help"
We made this break up letter generator for our fans: those of you too scared, tired or fed up to break up in person. Goodbye Bitch is a handy form letter works for both genders, and is perfect for any break up circumstance. We were cc'ed on over 2000 of your break up letters, and visited by nearly 400,000 people in just 4 months.
Goodbye Bitch was inspired by a "BREAK UP PARTY" hosted by the Panty Raiders. If you are going through a BU yourself, why not have people come over with their fave heartbreak foods to shed tears and share revenge strategies?
Here is a sample of some of our favorite letters (names have been changed to protect all hearts):
EMAIL:
Dear Dave
This letter is to inform you of the termination of our relations. It is imperative that this mutual release be executed immediately and is intended to eliminate any obligations by either party henceforth.
It's over.
You are a gold digger. You are are a puny tired drifter. You always snore when you're awake and I i am hot, have a great ass, and am a great dancer.
Although this document officially denotes the end of our affiliation, I will always have possession over when we ate cheese at the leaning tower of pisa. However, with reference to this, the following decrees you a bitch:because i've found someone else.
Upon execution of this document, I will smoke weed daily and you will die lonely and poor. Be forwarned: no more sex for you
Have a nice life and goodbye bitch.
Sincerely,
Colin
Dear Sara
This letter is to inform you of the termination of our relations. It is imperative that this mutual release be executed immediately and is intended to eliminate any obligations by either party henceforth.
It's over.
You performed fellatio on numerous members of the MCTS faculty, as well as a certain pre-law albino from Truman who shall remain un-named. You are needy, racist, gassy, slutty, near-sighted. You always just smacked my ass after we make sweet love then immediately fell asleep...NO CUDDLING and I am buxom, sexy, double-jointed.
Although this document officially denotes the end of our affiliation, I will always have possession over dancing in the cornfields under a full Nebraskan moon. However, with reference to this, the following decrees you a bitch:you never compliment my new hairstyles or bikini waxes.
Upon execution of this document, I will dance like no ones watching, sing like no one is listening, and love like there is no tomorrow and you will have no more strip ping-pong, sensual massages, or long bubble baths. Be forwarned: I will take all of your old school hip hop cd's as well as your pride and self respect
Have a nice life and goodbye bitch.
Sincerely,
Alicia
Dear Alicia
This letter is to inform you of the termination of our relations. It is imperative that this mutual release be executed immediately and is intended to eliminate any obligations by either party henceforth.
It's over.
You Made a pass at Jana. You are heartless bitch with no soul. You always not having a clean room and I am beautiful, intelligent, sexy, fuckin hilarious.
Although this document officially denotes the end of our affiliation, I will always have possession over watching team america. However, with reference to this, the following decrees you a bitch:i can't stand an open marriage anymore.
Upon execution of this document, I will make out with tons of sexy ladies and you will never see me again. Be forwarned: i gave you genital warts
Have a nice life and goodbye bitch.
Sincerely,
Sara
Dear Katrina
This letter is to inform you of the termination of our relations. It is imperative that this mutual release be executed immediately and is intended to eliminate any obligations by either party henceforth.
It's over.
You refused to convert to Judaism. You are vivacious, spunky, wild. You always puke on my furniture and I am smart, handsome, engaging, and interesting.
Although this document officially denotes the end of our affiliation, I will always have possession over our memories of nights at Cornell. However, with reference to this, the following decrees you a bitch:I finally had the strenght to say good bye.
Upon execution of this document, I will party, drink, read, and play fantasy baseball and you will lose the will to wake up in the morning. Be forwarned: this is a joke!!!
Have a nice life and goodbye bitch.
Sincerely,
Daniel
Dear JOE
This letter is to inform you of the termination of our relations. It is imperative that this mutual release be executed immediately and is intended to eliminate any obligations by either party henceforth.
It's over.
You LYING CHEATING DOG. You are DECEPTIVE AND HYPOCRITICAL. You always CHEATING and I FAITHFUL, GOOD WIFE AND MOTHER.
Although this document officially denotes the end of our affiliation, I will always have possession over OUR WEDDING. However, with reference to this, the following decrees you a bitch:YOU CAN'T DO THIS SHIT ANYMORE.
Upon execution of this document, I will LIVE LIFE AND BE HAPPY and you will YOU WILL BE LONELY W/O ME TAKING CARE OF YOU. Be forwarned: KARMA, BABY
Have a nice life and goodbye bitch.
Sincerely,
JILL